chronic illness

All posts tagged chronic illness

Am I Strong Enough?

Posted by Mildred Jane on March 22, 2014
Posted in: Energy, Exercise, Gastroparesis, health, Inspiration, kettlebell, Life. Tagged: , , , , , , . 4 Comments

Stronger

One thing that I still struggle with is viewing myself as strong.  When you go through such a lengthy bout of sickness, your brain has been reconditioned to always be on alert for triggers.  You are afraid that if you do too much physically, then you will get sick.  You are always trying to conserve energy so that if a flair up hits, you will have enough energy to get through it.

Gastroparesis affects you on so many levels and those battle scars are still there even when you start feeling well.  I have spent the past year and half on a journey to reclaim my health and my life.  I have been determined not to let Gastroparesis win.  It may have won some battles, but it isn’t going to win the war.  Fortunately, I have found a way to manage my Gastroparesis the majority of the time so that I am not too limited in my day to day life.  My diet is crazy, but I can work, visit with friends, and exercise.

Exercise is still where I battle the GP elves that are running around in my head.  I still struggle with viewing myself as strong.  I still struggle with pushing myself to my limits, because in the back of my mind I am still afraid of getting sick.  The days of laying on the bathroom floor, going for IVs, and living off smoothies is not that long ago.  (Actually, less then 12 months ago.)  All of it is still fresh in my mind and I still worry that I will do something that will trigger me back into that state.  A state that I have worked EXTREMELY hard to move away from.

However, I have been fortunate enough to find an amazing gym with an amazing trainer who is really helping me have a mental breakthrough in viewing myself as strong instead of sickly.  (All of the trainers are amazing, but one in particular really seems to “get” me.)  The gym focuses on kettlebells and she always encourages me to go with a heavier weight than I think I can do.  When I pick up the weights, the nagging little GP elves tell me that I can’t do.  They tell me that I’ll get sick and it will take weeks to recover.  I pick up the weight, tell the GP elves where they can go, and focus on getting through the workout.  With every rep and every rep of the workout, I think in my mind, “take that GP”.  “Take that GP.  You won’t run my life.  This is for all the others struggling.  I will win this war.  So you may have won a year and a half of my life, but you don’t get any more.”  Viewing Gastroparesis as a tangible enemy seems to make me fight and train harder.  I want to crush GP into the ground more than Rocky and any of his opponents!

Through all of this, I am here to tell you that it is possible.  I competed in a lifting competition called “BOLT” which is 10 minutes straight of pressing a kettlebell over your head.  The goal is to see how many repetitions you can do in those 10 minutes.  This Gastroparesis girl lifted a 10 kg (approx 22 lbs) kettlebell over her head 120 times in 10 minutes.  Which means, I lifted 1,200 kg (2,640 pounds) in 10 minutes!!!  Who would have EVER imagined that.

Below are real photos of me (the first one ever) as proof:

GP_Kettlebell GP_KB2

This is proof, that you can begin to feel better if you have Gastroparesis.  Don’t fall into the gloom and doom cycle.  (Yes, you will have days of depression but the key is not to get sucked into it.)

A HUGE thank you to my amazingly wonderful trainer (you know who you are) and to my cohort counting my reps that pushed me through those last few reps (you know who you are).  Your encouragement and support means more to me than you realize!  THANK YOU ladies!!

~Millie

 

Ashamed of Feeling Well

Posted by Mildred Jane on March 2, 2014
Posted in: Diet, Energy, Gastroparesis, gluten free, health, Inspiration, Life, Make A Difference, sugar free, supplements. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . 4 Comments

Well…here it goes.  I have REALLY been mustering up the courage to type this post.  The root issue of this post is what has been my mental barrier with writing on a consistent basis.  However, I feel that I need to get it out in the open.  Out in the open like everything else I write about with Gastroparesis.  Today’s topic (which is the hardest thing I have written about to date), the guilt that comes with feeling well the majority of the time in spite of your chronic illness. 

Looking through red curtains

This is how I feel.  I feel like I am hiding behind a curtain because I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or frustrated that he/she is still struggling with Gastroparesis symptoms.  I still have days that I struggle.  I’ll still get random muscle spasms that show through the twisted expression on my face.  However, I have found a way to feel well 95% of the time.  (Let’s hope that I didn’t just jinx myself!)  But with feeling well comes an extreme amount of guilt.  The guilt of knowing how many others aren’t feeling well.  I want so badly to help everyone return to a semi-normal state in life.  I don’t want the fact that I feel well to make others think less of themselves.  I don’t want others to think, what am I doing wrong?  I don’t want others to think, it’s not fair.  Here are the facts:  you are doing NOTHING wrong and it isn’t fair.  It is okay to mad.  Heck, it is okay to be furious to the point you want to throw things at the wall.  (I sure as heck did, but didn’t have the strength to left a finger.) 

It’s this unfairness that causes the guilt.  It is such a hopeless feeling.  However, the side of this equation that I keep forgetting to look at is this:  if I can get better then there is hope.  There is hope for all of us.  There is hope that needs to be shared in the Gastroparesis community.  We need to stop focusing on the gloom and doom and start focusing on hope.  Yes, it is NOT easy.  Yes, during my darkest days I did not want to hear a word about hope because it seemed impossible.  However, I there is hope.  You need to know that.  You need to believe that.  You need to fight your butt off for it.

I don’t want to give false hope to anyone and I definitely don’t want to stray anyone from the advice of his/her medical professionals (doctors, acpunturists, nutritionists, health counselors, etc.)  But I will say this, I have found a few key elements which have helped me tremendously and I recommend them to you. 

1) Acupuncture. I will swear until the day that I day that acupuncture gave me my quality of life back.  My acupuncturist is extremely humble, but he worked so extremely hard to get my digestive system back in order.  Many people with Gastroparesis have found success through acupuncture. 

2) Cutting out negative, non-supportive, self-centered people out of my life even if they are related.  This is just good advice for anyone.  If the person drags you down and sucks all the energy out of you then he/she is an “energy vampire”.  Ditch them.  It is hard but in a few months time you’ll wonder what took you so long. 

3) Cut the chemicals out of your diet.  If you can’t pronounce it then don’t put in in your system.  Eat clean and natural.  I’ll save the GMO soapbox for another day. PS…This includes Caffeine & refined sugar!

4) Eliminate stress.  This is probably the hardest item on the list because this is the most out of your control.  However, the more stress you eliminate the more relaxed your body gets. 

5) Keep moving.  Even if it is only 3-5 minutes a day of walking in place.  Keep those muscles moving because they help in digestion. 

6) Probiotics & Digestive Enzymes.  I notice a HUGE difference in how I feel when I forget to take these.  If you are interested in brands, e-mail me at adventureswithgastroparesis@gmail.com

There you have it!  My 6 keys to hope!  (I will not say success, because we all know that Gastroparesis is a moving target and we all define success differently.)  However, I cannot stress enough…KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!

What I have learned through this is this:  I shouldn’t struggle with posting about feeling well.  I need to post about feeling well to show others living with Gastroparesis, that it is possible to reclaim your life!

If you are doubting, or saying “Millie, you really have gone and lost your mind this time”, I will give you a sneak peak at tomorrow’s post.  It will be about how last year, when I started this blog, I could barely find the strength to wash my hair.  However, yesterday, I ran 6 miles, took a 2 hour break, and then competed in a kettlebell lifting competition.  I lifted 10 kilograms (22 pounds) a total of 120 times in 10 minutes.  So if you do the math, I lifted 1200 kilograms (2,640 pounds) after running 6 miles.  soooo….THERE IS HOPE!!!

I love you all and thank you all from the bottom of my heart for following this blog!

~Millie