This past week I felt like the photo above. I forced myself to keep going and eventually got to the finish line and even had a few folks help pull me across the finish line. However the week was a reminder that I will never be ‘normal’. I will never be able to just wake up and push myself to the limit and have it all be okay. I was reminded that there is only so much I can do in a week otherwise I have to go into hibernation to recharge my batteries.
Granted my Gastroparesis has been cooperating for the most part lately, but fatigue has set in to an extreme. The past week I felt constantly tired and never felt like I was fully awake. However I kept crawling along because that is what people with Gastroparesis do. The world doesn’t stop because you are tired so you put one foot in front of the other and do the best you can to get to the finish line, which in most cases is Friday afternoon. You find away to keep going, you’re not really sure how you do it but somehow you do. Somehow you manage to keep it together and take care of what needs done. Somehow you keep your eyes open. Somehow you make it another week.
This Friday was extra special, my fiance had plans to take me out to dinner for my birthday. However, I was exhausted and just wanted to put on my pjs and sleep. We decided to call an audible and go to a location closer to home. I somehow miraculously gained some spoons and we had a really nice night. I slept well into Saturday morning and was recharged enough to have some friends over for a bonfire. It was nice to see some dear friends that I haven’t seen in a few months. Today on the other hand, I have been lounging around watching tv and potentially reading a book. My batteries are slowly recharging to prepare for another week.
Gastroparesis might take its toll and make you crawl across the finish line, but there are always people around to pick you up. You just have to find the right people to surround yourself with because spending time with those people will give you more spoons than you can imagine.
Today I have one simple question, “Where did the energy go?” I would really like to know. Although I did need quite a few naps throughout my chores this weekend. However, I feel like someone pulled the plug or hid the batteries. I can barely open my eyes.
I’ve written about this topic a handful of times, but it is one that continues to haunt me. I’ll be on fire getting things done for a couple of hours and then have to take a recovery nap for 3-4 hours. It absolutely amazes/dumbfounds/confuses me. I feel that my body is still in recovery mood from becoming ill on Thursday night. I’ve also been battling stomach cramping this morning which has not been fun. I wonder if our bodies put us in hibernation mode so that we don’t feel the pain.
This weekend I took my prescription strength Vitamin D pill. I’m only supposed to take 1 per week so I can only imagine how much Vitamin D is jammed into that little pill. However, I think that it is having the opposite effect of what it is supposed to. Vitamin D is supposed to help with your energy and brain function, but both of mine have tanked.
I feel like a slug. This feeling is the part of Gastroparesis that I have the hardest time with. I can accept the pain, nausea, vomiting, etc. However, I can’t stand the feeling of knowing that things need to be done and I am rendered useless on my couch. My brain doesn’t want to cooperate enough to even watch some TV shows. As a result, I have been laying there falling in and out of sleep listening to a bird in the back yard sing and my dog snore. Both very pleasant sounds, but not as pleasant as actually getting work done, making my smoothie, reading a book, putting a glass in a dishwasher, or really doing anything at all.
I couldn’t stand laying there anymore so I did what I always do to try to break the spell. I set myself a goal to accomplish just 1 thing and then hope that the 1 thing will lead to more. If not, it will at least wear me out enough to go back to sleep and not think about being unproductive. So I decided to hobble over to my computer and type today’s blog.
Hopefully, it is turning out coherent because I think I see the GP Elves fluffing my pillow for me. Maybe they can drive me to my acupuncture appointment in hopes of it knocking this bad energy and cramping out of me!