It is the middle of the day and I FINALLY just made my way out of bed. I am still not feeling well after my journey and am still extremely depleted. My head is spinning, my stomach hurts, and my hand and feet are extremely swollen. Needless to say, another fun day in Gastroparesis paradise. Had it not been for my dog wanting some lunch, I would probably still be in bed.
These days are hard. The days when your mind is mostly with you but your body is stuck in park. You often feel as though you have a devil and angel on your shoulder telling you two different things. It is a constant battle going on in your head and a difficult one to manage.
The devil tells you that you are too sick to do anything. You need to lay in bed. You can’t continue to make it in the “normal” world. Your going to have to stay home and watch the bills stack up while you don’t get paid. This leads to a viscous cycle which leaves you in bed all day in a combination of a lot of pain and hiding from the world. It’s when this side wins that Gastroparesis gets REALLY ugly.
However, there is another voice in your head which is telling you that you can do it. That you just need to rest for 30 minutes more and then you feel at least well enough to accomplish just one item today. If you accomplish one item, then you are a success and will continue to succeed. This side of your brain is screaming to be heard because it knows the truth of what you can accomplish. (I personally play the loop from Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live: You are good enough, smart enough, and dog gone it, people like you. Cheesy but effective.)
Teaching yourself to hear the positive side of your brain is one of the hardest pieces of Gastroparesis to manage. This is something that is taught and takes a tremendous amount of willpower to accomplish. If you are able bodied and reading this, you might think it’s no big deal. However, think of the time when you had the flu and were too sick to get out of bed. Now couple that with a time that someone was just down right nasty to you and made you doubt yourself. Combine all of this with the fact that you know these times will always follow you. They will never go away. The best you can hope for is that they are limited and happen fewer. This is what someone with Gastroparesis fights with to get out of bed and get back on a normal daily routine.
It is a hard battle and one that I am determined to win today.
~Millie
A special thanks to my amazing dog for helping get me out of bed today and doting on me non-stop this morning. (More on pet therapy in future blogs.)
Adventures with Gastroparesis 
Was this flare-up related to going to D.C.? I hope not!
I hope your dizzy spells subside… I got them really badly in 2004-2005 then off and on until 2008… after that, never had a spell again, but I still deal with the vomiting and bloating. 😦
I’m glad you have a great dog! Feel better soon!
Hi Jen,
I think the flair was a combination of being in DC and then going to Phoenix for work and back to the Northeast. It was A LOT of flying, climate changes, and body pressure changes. Although, I am starting to feel better now.
The dizzy spells are the worst! I often feel as though I am about to pass out when the dizzy spells hit.
Yes, my dog is amazing! Pet therapy is legit!
~Millie
What state do you live in? I am originally from Ohio. 😉 Glad you are feeling better!
Yeah, I know what you mean about the climate changes and body pressure/altitude issues. My problem was that I wasn’t keeping myself hydrated enough while flying (mostly because I wanted to limit bathroom breaks). I would end up with a headache most of the time and then I started using Dramamine on the longer flights but I hated how I felt sleepy all day (and it was the non-drowsy kind), but it’s better than ending up feeling ill.
Wow, and I heard that Phoenix just reached their first 90 degree day of the year… whew!
Fortunately, I stay pretty well hydrated. It seems to be the pressure changes that affect me the most. Even here at home when we have 20 degree temperature swings in 1 day.
Off to Austin on Tuesday for a week. I’ll be glad when all of this traveling is done.
~Millie
I’ve only been to Austin once and right after that is when I started getting sick. 😦 Stupidly I did not check out the university scene at the time!
Good luck and stay well/feel good!
Let me know if you are on LinkedIn…I got off of Facebook last year.
Take care!
I am not on LinkedIn but probably should do that! 🙂
~Millie